... this is supposed to be fun...

...hmmm there's a lot i could say... where to start...

..... first off... what i write about is my life... it's not fiction or fantasy unless i tell you it is...that was just for the record and after this i doubt i will bother arguing the point... if you choose to believe it's bullsh*t c'est la vie... personally it wouldn't be any fun for me to write bullsh*t...

...i've always found lying online useless and boring... i mean hell if you can't be yourself online where the hell can you be yourself????

..i got online in the early 90's... i remember lying once in those first few days... lying about who i was etc... man it was boring and i've never done it since... what you see is what you get...

....i might not always be aware of my own truth... but it is the truth as i see it today...

..... i did not intend this blog to be anything but fun... a place where i could cum... i mean come.. and spill the more sordid details of my life... those things i wouldn't normally talk about to just anyone...

..is it balanced? hell no... it's not about my children or my work or my family or my dreams or my bestfriends--- those incredibly amazing people who love and support me in spite of who i am--- who never judge me... it's not about all the things i've done right and the hurdles i've jumped in the last couple years... it's about all the stuff i continue to do wrong...the one area of my life i still have problems with and which i don't want to work on or try to control right now...

..i'm not necessarily proud of what i do... i'm a sex addict... a sex and love addict actually... i can just as easily become obsessed with one person and remain completely 100% monogamous if i fall in love with someone as go have sex with 5 different people in one nite........

.... i could get into all the whys and the history and the abuse and the bullsh*t and the f*cking pain... but i'm not here to do that... i have counselors and friends and support groups that help me deal with that sh*t... and quite honestly i'm grateful for every single thing i ever experienced in my life... the good and the bad... cause most people walk around in a f*cking bubble... judging others... criticising others... trying to make others unhappy... when really they don't have the first clue about themselves let alone anyone else...

.. i'm not saying you have to be f&cked up like me to be self knowledeable/self aware etc... that is just how it worked for me... without it i'd still be in my safe little bubble... which i will admit still sometimes looks like a nice, cozy place to go hide out for awhile... however, once someone bursts your bubble you have no choice but to sink or swim... and for now i'm swimming the best way i know how... it may not be your way... but walk a few steps in my shoes and then get back to me...