..finally a stress free night..

i got my assignments finished and handed in today, and got 90% on my last exam. wooohoooo.

i was so freakin twisted a few days ago over uni and life. i am so lucky to know people that care enough to help. i'm not sure where i'd be now if an online friend hadn't helped me prioritize the things i needed to get done right away and make a plan to get those things done.

i'd normally say he made me do it without giving it much thought, but as he pointed out he didn't make me, he gave me someone to report back to. it's so interesting to me how that works for me. i'll do it for someone else but i won't do it for myself. now that's gotta be about some unconscious belief i'm not important enough. make me accountable to someone and i'll get it done. left alone and the odds of staying on track drop significantly.

in the end i get so overwhelmed by the amount of things i let go that i become incapable of doing anything. i tend to bury myself in some addictive behavior that lets me block everything else out. hours or days later i'll become aware of what i've just done and think, omg what the hell am i doing.

quite amazing i got this far on my own really. well not on my own exactly. i have this huge support network, my sponsor, counselors that i've been seeing for a couple years, online support group that i've poured my heart and soul out to, close friends that hunt me down if i disappear for too long.

anyway, i'm freezing and need to get some sleep. i haven't been feeling good, i think because of the pills i'm on. at least i found them again.