i am so freakin twisted the last few days...

can you tell i'm blowing off my school work that i planned on doing today?

twisted. what twisted means to me:

twisted means i become so absorbed or obsessed in some addictive type behavior that

-i don't pick up my mail so i can't see my bills or anything else requiring my attention
-i don't pay my bills even though i have money
-i live off chicken mcgrills and coffee
-i have no idea how much money i have in the bank cause i stop checking: i'll know when it's gone cause my debit card will bounce at macdonalds and i'll have to switch to visa
-i start forgetting to feed my pets as often as they should be fed
-i stop spending time with my pets: the four legged kind
-i stop doing laundry

-i become incapable of concentrating long enough to study
-i blow off support group meetings
-i stop phoning my sponsor and friends
-i start forgetting appts
-i stop going out unless i absolutely have to
-i don't buy groceries
-i just barely keep the house liveable (by my standards - even twisted my house is better than most i have to point out)
-i start obsessing about my psycho ex coming and rescuing me
-i repeatedly think about calling psycho ex
-i get sad and cry for no apparent reason
-i drive like a maniac cause it's the only thing that makes me feel good and with the music so loud you can hardly tell what's playing to numb out my feelings
-i stop praying
-i stop working my program
-i don't bother to pick up my meds
-i get angry
-i start puking up what i eat

..........then when it really starts to hurt and i start to see all this and all i'm focused on is the addictive behavior and school to the exclusion of all else i start getting panicky and anxious.

..........i also start to realise i have to do something about it before..before what?..i dunno..i don't usually let it get much further cause it starts hurting too much..