i'm f*cked..

so much fun when you lose an entire f*cking post..grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

ok where was i. ummmm..last night..yea..umm i was supposed to hook up with a particularly sick little boy ( 20 something..they're all 20 something..sigh ). anyway, yes a particularly sick little boy for someone so young. huge f*cking c*ck too. one of those where someone takes down their pants and you can't help but say..holy f*ck..and they go what?..with that innocent look like they don't know they're hung like a f*cking horse.

anyway, that didn't work out and for some reason i was half expecting it not to. i dunno, maybe i expect nothing these days and then i don't get disappointed or maybe i was too tired to care. i worked out earlier in the evening at the gym with a couple friends and so i was kewl with just hanging out at home alone unlike a year or so ago.

around 11 i thought Dom boy was calling and i didn't pick up cause i figured hell screw him calling this late. turns out it was young guy from a few weeks ago, the one that liked to shove his cock so far down my throat it makes me puke. he caught me online after phoning and i thought oh wtf and said he could come over later.

he was going out so he told me to leave the door open and he'd wake me up later. think he showed up around 2am.

it was the usual, he wanted me to suck him off..which i'm usually ok with but i really wanted to be f*cked and it was late and i was tired and i had a fever for some unknown f*cking reason to top it all off and i dunno..after sucking him off forever i just thought f*ck this..i'm so f*cking sick of this..i'm sick and i'm tired and i just wanna be f*cked and everyone's so f*cking selfish noooooooooo i gotta suck them off for an hour till they cum so they can f*ck me after when they'll supposedly last longer which never happens anyway.

ok i exagerate and it makes no sense cause far as i can remember this only happens with this guy and last time i was kewl with not getting f*cked. guess i was just f*cked up and in one of my twisted moods or maybe i'm tired of f*cking strangers who don't give a sh*t about me.

anyway, after awhile i just said to him "i'm sorry i can't do this tonight" and got up and laid back down next to him with my arms over my face. he asked me if i was okay a few times and i said yea a few times and told him i was just f*cked up.

after awhile he asked if he could cum in my mouth. i said yea. so he straddled my chest and jerked off on my face and in my mouth. after that i was too f*cked up to think of f*cking him. it's one of those moments where i can just turn it all off and not give a sh*t. cum wherever the f*ck you like cause i don't give a sh*t as long as i don't have to work my ass off for sweet sh*t all.

after that i turned over and tried to go to sleep. it was hard, i was upset and wished i was alone so i could lay there and cry. i really didn't wanna do it in front of a 20 something year old kid who couldn't even begin to understand how f*cked up i am.

i don't know what was going on. i've been twisted lately so maybe that was it. maybe it just wasn't enjoyable. i mean f*ck i'm a slut and i can really get into sucking someone off at times...sometimes because i care about them alot and i want to make them feel good and it's so hot when they make those noises that make it sound like they're getting the best blowjob of their life. exbf used to do that. f*ck it turned me on.

..but j*s*s when someone just expects you to suck them off without saying anything or making any noise..c'mon it's boring as all hell guys unless i've got myself particularly horny and then it's all about me anyway and i couldn't give a sh*t about who i'm sucking. f*ck at least call me some nasty names or something..anything..pull my f*cking hair..do or say something.