not about sex..again..sheeesh
met subbie guy today. by the time morning came i really didn't feel like it. i dunno what's up with that. something seems like a good idea till i have to do it and then i think what the f*ck am i bothering for.
it all seems like such a waste of time. i can't figure out why other than i just don't expect to find anything good. i don't have the desire or the patience to see if something will work.
i still think of psycho exbf everyday. maybe only for a minute some days..maybe longer other days. it hurts less than it used to. i still relate so many things back to him. i don't know why i'm having such a hard time having a life without him.
counselor says it's got nothing to do with him anymore. it's about me not wanting to move on..to start over..fear of starting a new life. whatever? i suppose. it was a bit of a relief to believe that for awhile. the thought that after two years i was still hooked on exbf was f*ckin freakin me out. i can't deny it is getting easier except for the part about moving on. i just can't seem to give anyone new a fair chance.
granted most of the people i've been interested in were looking for casual sex nothing more. maybe that's why i was interested in them? i get tired of meeting guys and having to tell them i don't want to see them a second time. it's burning me out and i'm starting to think it's not worth the trouble of meeting anyone.
i swing back and forth between thinking i should just meet a ton of guys in a short period of time increasing the odds of meeting someone i like to thinking i need to get to know someone online first to increase the odds of liking them when i do meet them.
i probably shouldn't be meeting anyone but f*ck i wanna wipe psycho ex bf from my head for good, i want regular sex, i wanna be with someone who makes me feel good and cares about me again and who doesn't mind leaving a few bruises now and again..
i'm really tired today. headachy..too much coffee. i gotta start getting to bed sooner. hopefully it's just lack of sleep making me feel down.
oh well maybe i will just chill out with subbie guy, order him to clean my house naked while i study and lick my c*nt when he's done. could keep me outta trouble for awhile..
it all seems like such a waste of time. i can't figure out why other than i just don't expect to find anything good. i don't have the desire or the patience to see if something will work.
i still think of psycho exbf everyday. maybe only for a minute some days..maybe longer other days. it hurts less than it used to. i still relate so many things back to him. i don't know why i'm having such a hard time having a life without him.
counselor says it's got nothing to do with him anymore. it's about me not wanting to move on..to start over..fear of starting a new life. whatever? i suppose. it was a bit of a relief to believe that for awhile. the thought that after two years i was still hooked on exbf was f*ckin freakin me out. i can't deny it is getting easier except for the part about moving on. i just can't seem to give anyone new a fair chance.
granted most of the people i've been interested in were looking for casual sex nothing more. maybe that's why i was interested in them? i get tired of meeting guys and having to tell them i don't want to see them a second time. it's burning me out and i'm starting to think it's not worth the trouble of meeting anyone.
i swing back and forth between thinking i should just meet a ton of guys in a short period of time increasing the odds of meeting someone i like to thinking i need to get to know someone online first to increase the odds of liking them when i do meet them.
i probably shouldn't be meeting anyone but f*ck i wanna wipe psycho ex bf from my head for good, i want regular sex, i wanna be with someone who makes me feel good and cares about me again and who doesn't mind leaving a few bruises now and again..
i'm really tired today. headachy..too much coffee. i gotta start getting to bed sooner. hopefully it's just lack of sleep making me feel down.
oh well maybe i will just chill out with subbie guy, order him to clean my house naked while i study and lick my c*nt when he's done. could keep me outta trouble for awhile..
posted by masters_lil_slutty_grl at 5:19 PM
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