I started working out again yesterday. F*ck it was one of the hardest workouts i've had in awhile because of the constant pain in my back. It's not back pain per se but muscle cramping when i haven't worked out for awhile. I get it when i workout and when i'm just cleaning up. It's one thing to hate being fat cause of the way it looks but when it becomes this painful enough is enough.

I dunno what's changed lately. Maybe things have just got so painful and out of control i've had enough and i'm ready to do something about it. Who knows. I just know i've been thinking about stuff... something i haven't been doing the last little while. It's hard to stop and think when you're so busy acting out your head is full of crap. When i finally stop and spend a few minutes giving some thought to what i'm doing it feels really weird. It hits me how long i go without giving any thought to my actions and the consequences of those actions. It's all about feeling good. If it feels good do it. That is until what feels good starts feeling bad.

I was really caught up in a vid chat site for awhile. I just happened onto a room that fit my needs perfectly and began an online relationship with the owner of the room. A very addictive situation for me and one i'm very familiar with from when i was married. I suppose it was lucky for me that it was short lived as he has to go to jail for a couple years...lol. I know i know... where do i find these guys???? For some reason we really hit it off though. He was Dominant of course... in a way that totally f*cking does it for me.

I was in the process of figuring out a way to readdict myself to this same vid chat site when i stopped long enough to think about the insanity of what i was planning and stop. So i think i've gotten away from that particular site for now and broken my attachment to it... a job made a lot easier by the fact my "DaddyDom" is no longer there. If you're wondering what that means then you'd better check out this site.

I've been going a bit nuts on the dating sites. I dunno what starts that whole cycle going.

I have to get to bed... it's 230am... but i do get to sleep in tomorrow... :D:D:D My girls are away with their dad for a few days.