Wow do i ever feel like crap. I have lost interest in pretty well everything.

I crashed.

Can't take the rejection i think. Psycho ex showing up whenever the f*ck he feels like it. Then talking about getting back together but disappearing after we f*ck? Like wtf is that? It's one thing to be told to your face but to prevent all contact and saying nothing. Not answering emails, not answering phone. That's just brutal man. No explanation, no nothing. Nothing..................
.....................................................................
...........................just silence..............................

I hook up with ex bf i guess to help with the rejection of psycho ex and yet ex bf is rejecting me just the same. The only difference being he is kinder and gentler and more honest about it... and he will still have sex with me on a semi regular basis if i want it.

I f*cked an old f*ck buddy i haven't seen in forever. Nice guy but same story... just wants a f*ck.

I took a break for awhile. Then i hooked up with ex bf again. The next day i hooked up with a stranger. A stranger in that i've never met him before that day. We'd been talking for awhile. I haven't done that for awhile. It's not really a good idea for me because it's not very likely he will want any thing besides sex from me... more rejection.

I guess the only positive thing i can say is that they weren't total strangers... and most i actually knew.

In between all this i've been bingeing and puking.

I don't know what the hell i'm not wanting to feel. I don't know what's going on except it's how i learned to cope after giving up the lifestyle and security i knew.

Eating Disorders
Eating disorders are characterized by severe disturbances in eating behavior. The practice of an eating disorder can be viewed as a survival mechanism. Just as an alcoholic uses alcohol to cope, a person with an eating disorder can use eating, purging or restricting to deal with their problems. Some of the underlying issues that are associated with an eating disorder include low self-esteem, depression, feelings of loss of control, feelings of worthlessness, identity concerns, family communication problems and an inability to cope with emotions. The practice of an eating disorder may be an expression of something that the eating disordered individual has found no other way of expressing. Eating disorders are usually divided into three categories: Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa and Compulsive Overeating.

Bulimia Nervosa
Bulimics are caught in the devastating and addictive binge-purge cycle. The Bulimic eats compulsively and then purges through self-induced vomiting, use of laxatives, diuretics, diet pills, ipecac, strict diets, fasts, chew-spitting, vigorous exercise, or other compensatory behaviors to prevent weight gain. Binges usually consist of the consumption of large amounts of food in a short period of time. Binge eating usually occurs in secret. Bulimics, like Anorexics, are also obsessively involved with their body shape and weight. The medical complications of the binge-purge cycle can be severe and like Anorexia can be fatal.