i feel like sh*t

i dunno where this all came from. i contacted psycho ex yesterday. makes me feel like absolute cr*p. it's not even about the response i get, it's about why i did it in the first place. how did i get to the place where i think contacting him is a good idea? how do i convince myself that this time i won't get slammed? this time will be different from the 50 other times.

f*ck it's just like drugs, you abstain and abstain and abstain and the second you go back you are right back where you left off when you quit or sometimes worse. but this time is gonna be different no? this time i'm going to be able to control it. yea. that's it. it won't be like all those other times.

insanity: doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.