...was just reading one of my own bdsm links and...

boy does she have me pegged..and i suppose other subs? at least in what she's written here.

Training a submissive to 'hear' command without igniting a defensive or conflictive reaction is a delicate and deliberate process. In general terms a submissive 'hears' a constant stream of fragmented commands from those that the submissive 'listens for' during the course of normal life. The people most often in a position of domination over a submissive are parents, siblings, children, spouses, friends and bosses. In addition a submissive may have a submissive response or hear clergy with strong voice, astrologers, radio and TV personalities, doctors, hypnotists or any person in a position of authority who has a compelling or dynamic charismatic presence which attracts that submissives attention and focus

Many submissives do not knowingly or willfully consciously 'choose' the people who take a position of authority in that submissives life. A submissive may simply feel a 'compulsion' to aid, help, assist, augment or otherwise support a person even if and when they do not actively admire or like that person. Frequently the 'good nature' (compulsion to give) of a submissive will lead to feelings within that submissive of being used by the person in authority without proper credit or a reciprocal care and attention for the feelings or needs of that submissive. This can lead to resentment, conflict and confusion when the submissive cannot actively identify 'why' they have 'helped' or 'listened to, taken the advice of' or otherwise catered to the will of another person.

..that, i would say, is exactly how it works for me including the compulsion to follow commands from certain people which is how i ended up coming close to being killed. i did what he told me to with no thought for how furious he was with me..in a rage in fact..

..that bit about feeling used without reciprocal care and attention is dead on..

..i couldn't have come close to recognizing this as the truth for me on my own or beginning to explain it so well..but i recognize the truth when i see it..

This can lead to resentment, conflict and confusion when the submissive cannot actively identify 'why' they have 'helped' or 'listened to, taken the advice of' or otherwise catered to the will of another person.

...this has happened to me over and over..and i didn't understand..i just know what feels good and what doesn't..and when it doesn't i leave..

A submissive may also find themselves deliberately limiting 'access' to their private environments such as through the usage of answering machines etc.... Sometimes they arrive at a point where they note when they feel the most 'pressed' to comply. Recognition of behaviors, triggers, attitude and situations allows that submissive to make reasoned instead of responsive choices, sometimes for the first time in their lives.

..this is why i use the tunnel software. many people don't understand my frustration with all the messages i get online. to them it's simple..just ignore them. sometimes people don't understand how many messages there are and what that is like and how demanding some people are..but i think alot has to do with what's written above and feeling compelled to make everyone happy. it's really hard to filter it all out. the auto response software keeps it all outta my sight unless i choose to look..it IS just like an answering machine and lets me focus on just a few people at a time.

When a Dominant enters a submissives life the above components are often at full strength. The submissive may have an almost overwhelming desire to find 'voice' coupled to their lifelong experience of diminishing punishment, abuse and usage by those in authority over them. This conflict may manifest as hesitation, anxiety, acting out or other methods of 'escape' from the source voice now present in their life.

..this is just amazing to me. it's like the first time i picked up my 12 step work guide and was stunned that someone had written a book all about me. it explains so many things.

If the Dominant assumes an attitude of 'do this or else' they may ignite a defensive posturing by the submissive. This may exhibit as a block or 'failure to listen' within the submissive. This block even if only partially effective will serve to diminish or negate the efficacy of the Dominants command and may erode the submissives 'positive belief' in that Dominant. If the submissive can successfully relegate this new 'voice' to 'part of' the group of authority figures in that submissives past who have violated them, then that submissive will begin to think thoughts of diminishment relating to the Dominant. This 'removal of status' will eventually destroy the relationship. A Dominant can take a submissive by forcible command, they cannot keep a submissive using forcible command.

..omg this is sooo true..

.....hmm this whole page is quite fascinating to me. whatcha think?