i feel like f*ckin crap again...

f*ck up and down up and down...usually i enjoy that :P i don't usually cycle this fast. it's like good day, bad day, good day, bad day.

i'm lonely again. i was last night. i get bitchy at people when i feel like that. makes me feel like telling the whole world to f*ck off. even the people i like. cept big M..maybe that's cause he's around everyday.

it's really weird to recognize that i start feeling abandoned and then i wanna reject everyone..even the people that care. i knew i shoulda stuck with that abandonment counselor.

i feel like telling the whole world to f*ck off right now.

met someone i'm interested in. that's a miracle. he doesn't live here though but come here fairly regularly. probably a bit too close to the extreme end of things. counselor would not like that much. sponsor would freak. f*ck he's cute though, 6 foot something, 30, in awesome shape. and he's just into BBW's. f*ck i can't believe i even qualify as one.

my computor is f*cked. keeps wanting to go off battery so it's constantly shutting down. f*cking stupid piece of sh*t. who told me they hated their "blank"? it's gotta be the power cord.

well i'm gonna be gone most of the morning.

i'm p*ssed off at something. trying to figure out if i'm depressed. it's not like i start moping around when i get depressed. for me i stop wanting to do stuff..like anything..like brushing my teeth and making the bed and sh*t and i get p*ssed off at the world. i really don't wanna go back on anti-d's. they make you fat and i'm already fat enough.