hmm well tonight didn't exactly turn out.....
how i expected. kids got dropped home late and had forgotten half their stuff so we're driving back an hour later to get it as if it wasn't already late enough. now it's 1230 ish and i'm umm trying to come up with some more good excuses for why i don't have any new pics..... 
well i guess i can rest assured SM won't be getting on a plane anytime soon to administer some much needed discipline?
i didn't intend not to write at least a little about what went on today either.
damn i gotta get to bed. i see my counselor in the am. same ol f*cking same ol..... contacted exbf yet again..blah blah blah blah.....bleeeecccchhhhhhtttttt.
i guess the only thing that sorta amazes me is the fact i didn't have a meltdown over it this time. that's progress for ya i guess. 6mos ago i woulda been a f*cking nut. you'd never believe some of the sh*t i pulled if i told ya. just nuts..but no more nuts than some of the sh*t he pulled on me. at least i've never tried to kill him..ha!!!.....and .....
i'd never really cared about anyone before him either cause i was f*cking high all the time. i was off the wall trying to deal with all this sh*t without drugs and all the other crap i used to use to get through life without needing anyone.
only once before i went a bit wingy and that was when things ended between me and the very first Dom guy i was ever with. that was tough. he was the one that showed me that all that D/s sh*t that i thought only worked in my mind while masturbating actually translated to real life very well for me..at least with him. it was amazing. however, the short story is.....here comes this guy..walks into my life..somehow gets me to stop using drugs..gets me working out..introduces me to D/s real time..i was very close to giving up the net..probably hadn't thought about stopping smoking cigarettes altho i don't remember for sure.....this was a few years ago now.....
so yes here comes this guy who has me making all these amazing changes in my life but not only that he made it easy..and boom it's over before it's even half started. i got caught basically and that was that. there are a few more details but that's good enough for now.
i didn't know what to do. i'd known for a long time that i had to change my lifestyle but i didn't have a clue how to do it. he gave me the answers. of course today i realise that i have to find whatever it takes inside myself. i can't let everything good in my life ride on someone else. hard not to do though when your personality makes it so easy to give things over to someone else to take care of. still being clean is too important to give responsibility to someone else. that i have to do for myself..no one else.
well i guess i can rest assured SM won't be getting on a plane anytime soon to administer some much needed discipline?
i didn't intend not to write at least a little about what went on today either.
damn i gotta get to bed. i see my counselor in the am. same ol f*cking same ol..... contacted exbf yet again..blah blah blah blah.....bleeeecccchhhhhhtttttt.
i guess the only thing that sorta amazes me is the fact i didn't have a meltdown over it this time. that's progress for ya i guess. 6mos ago i woulda been a f*cking nut. you'd never believe some of the sh*t i pulled if i told ya. just nuts..but no more nuts than some of the sh*t he pulled on me. at least i've never tried to kill him..ha!!!.....and .....
i'd never really cared about anyone before him either cause i was f*cking high all the time. i was off the wall trying to deal with all this sh*t without drugs and all the other crap i used to use to get through life without needing anyone.
only once before i went a bit wingy and that was when things ended between me and the very first Dom guy i was ever with. that was tough. he was the one that showed me that all that D/s sh*t that i thought only worked in my mind while masturbating actually translated to real life very well for me..at least with him. it was amazing. however, the short story is.....here comes this guy..walks into my life..somehow gets me to stop using drugs..gets me working out..introduces me to D/s real time..i was very close to giving up the net..probably hadn't thought about stopping smoking cigarettes altho i don't remember for sure.....this was a few years ago now.....
so yes here comes this guy who has me making all these amazing changes in my life but not only that he made it easy..and boom it's over before it's even half started. i got caught basically and that was that. there are a few more details but that's good enough for now.
i didn't know what to do. i'd known for a long time that i had to change my lifestyle but i didn't have a clue how to do it. he gave me the answers. of course today i realise that i have to find whatever it takes inside myself. i can't let everything good in my life ride on someone else. hard not to do though when your personality makes it so easy to give things over to someone else to take care of. still being clean is too important to give responsibility to someone else. that i have to do for myself..no one else.
posted by masters_lil_slutty_grl at 11:33 PM
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