I talked to my sponsor today.....

she asked how i was doing and i told her okay but kinda sad the last little while. I said life was feeling like work lately, too hard. I'm feeling like a salmon swimming upstream..everything feels like an effort.

She tells me..well yea life does feel hard..life is hard when you're living it clean and sober. I laughed and mumbled something like gee thx..that's good to know.

I dunno..i feel like i'm putting a lot of effort into just keeping up. Someone suggested i'm being too hard on myself. i forget who said that but i think they are right. I'm constantly thinking of what i have to do and how i'm gonna get it done etc. Don't know how to stop that though..not without going and getting blitzed anyway.

I felt like going and getting blitzed..buying a pack of smokes and going and getting loaded. G*d that would feel good for about 5min.