i feel like i haven't posted in a week...

it's been like a day. i'm getting a little twisted reading some old stuff from exbf i came across accidently in an old email account. i'm in one of those weird moods. thinking too much about the past.

i was talking to someone this aft and was babbling on about the past in response to a question when i started trying to explain why i would want to be with someone abusive and controlling.

when i was little and had been molested i had a choice...to spend time with the person who did it and take from them all the good i was used to getting while at the same time risking the bad thing happening... or give up both.

...it's no different than the choice i made with exbf..give up everything or take all the good while risking the bad thing happening.

it's what i'm used to.