i am so f*ckin twisted this morning...
f*ck it just hits me outta no where. at least that's what it feels like.
i'm driving along and i think i'm okay. then i start wanting to turn up the music and when i do that i start driving too fast. then i'm thinking what the f*ck is going on???
i realise i'm starting to feel stressed. i think..about what? uni? it's not that bad. intellectually i know it's not that bad when i think it through but it doesn't really make a damn bit of difference. i'm grateful things aren't worse but i still feel that anxiety in the bottom of my stomach.
i think about the friends i have. my sponsor who is a gift from G*d without a doubt. my recovery friends, most have nothing, absolutely nothing. most come from the streets. i think about my psycho ex and the feeling in my stomach gets worse for a few seconds. the thought pops into my head that i am never going to get over that. it won't matter who comes into my life like i try to tell myself most days. it won't matter, this stuff is not going away.
i think this all started when i woke up and weighed myself..f*ck.
i'm driving along and i think i'm okay. then i start wanting to turn up the music and when i do that i start driving too fast. then i'm thinking what the f*ck is going on???
i realise i'm starting to feel stressed. i think..about what? uni? it's not that bad. intellectually i know it's not that bad when i think it through but it doesn't really make a damn bit of difference. i'm grateful things aren't worse but i still feel that anxiety in the bottom of my stomach.
i think about the friends i have. my sponsor who is a gift from G*d without a doubt. my recovery friends, most have nothing, absolutely nothing. most come from the streets. i think about my psycho ex and the feeling in my stomach gets worse for a few seconds. the thought pops into my head that i am never going to get over that. it won't matter who comes into my life like i try to tell myself most days. it won't matter, this stuff is not going away.
i think this all started when i woke up and weighed myself..f*ck.
posted by masters_lil_slutty_grl at 7:45 AM
3 Comments:
thank you :). yes SA, i do AA too though sometimes. hell stick anything in front of anonymous and i have a seat there :D
i remember when i used to have too much time on my hands. it was NICE :))). you think i get into trouble now, you shoulda seen me back then. how about you? staying outta trouble? :D
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nope it wasn't meant to be funny. i was seriously twisted by the time i got back home..crying and ready for a meltdown.
after i wrote the post i realised that it probably all started with weighing myself that morning. which is more ridiculous than funny. :D
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