i am so out of control..

i am so fat i can't f*cking stand it. i'm f*cking bingeing again, a big red flag for me that something is majorly f*cking wrong, along with contacting psycho ex, another big red flag. i feel so out of control, which makes me binge, which makes me feel more out of control so i start puking. when i get scared i'm gonna kill myself i stop eating entirely.

and people wonder why i'm attracted to control freaks??? (and really nice Dominant males who wanna beat me and leave welts and bruises on me and kiss me better after..lol..mmmmmmmmm).. helllllllo..

oh and i stop flossing every nite too. another big red flag something ain't right.

basically i stop doing pretty well everything not essential to existing.

i'm sabotaging again. f*ck.