I feel a bit whacked. Been emailing psycho ex again. Ever since the time i contacted him with the "wanna f*ck" email he now emails me whenever he's free asking if i wanna f*ck. There's been more than once or twice where if we coulda worked it out i would have done it.

I try to play it through like counselor tells me... we'd f*ck... i'd be high the whole time... probably wouldn't be able to help myself but go back a few years to when we were in love... and he'd walk out the door like i was nuthin to him and i'd want to go out and kill myself.

And this is something i want? Yea pretty well... f*****ck.

i feel nauseated. Bleeeechhhht. But at least i know i'm not pregnant. I thought my new little boy got me pregnant a couple weeks ago. We lost two condoms..f*ck!!! I told him he has to check before he cums next time!! Sheeesh.

It's the best sex i've had in forever. He's 27, met him on one of the D/s sites, does the same job psycho ex does... hell i dunno how i keep runnin into these guys. I dunno what we are really doing. I made it clear i'm not looking for anything casual when we started talking but i can tell it's not a dating thing either. It's ok for now. He is clean but still drinks and smokes so i wouldn't want anything long term with him anyway.

He's a sweetie... he's Dom too but he's really affectionate and likes to cuddle more than anyone i know. We like watching the same shows on tv and talking about sh*t and he gives me those little kisses on the head when we're snuggling that make me feel soooo warm and happy... hehe... :D It's probly about the best thing i've been involved in .. in the last couple years.

And the sex ... well when i start losing condoms it means the sex is amazing... haven't done that since psycho exbf. I gotta phone about going back on the pill today.