Man..do i feel crappy...

This dating thing is gonna kill me. I dunno. I think i was better off just f*cking around sometimes.

I've been seeing this guy for about a month now. Text book dating. Been out once a week for 4 weeks. Sat and had coffee for 2hrs a time. Went to a movie. Chatted a couple times in between. I find out yesterday he just wants casual sex in a friend sorta way. WTF?

I've never had this happen. If people just want sex they meet you once then it's f*ck or forget it. This stuff just gets more and more complicated. It's really thrown me off cause i was really enjoying how "normal" it felt. It's not often i meet someone who wants to date and who likes me and who i like. This was a pretty rare situation or so i thought before i found out what we were really doing... biding our time till my kids were out of the house apparently.

I suppose it was my definition of a real f*ck buddy. I woulda jumped at this chance a year ago. Someone who actually wants to be friends, go out and do stuff and have sex? But now... i want more than that. Or maybe if i'd just known what was going on i woulda been ok with it. I was just so shocked and disappointed it wasn't what i thought it was.

Whatcha think?

I wanna say f*ck it and f*ck something else up in my life but i'm not really capable of that cr*p anymore. I wasn't going to workout this morning because of this whole thing then some little freakin 27yr old who messaged me on a dating site and had all this sh*t about if he messages you he is really interested in you blah blah blah... after i message him back he tells me i'm too big for his tastes... i said why did you bother messaging me then??? Huh??? It's not like my profile doesn't tell you my weight and there's a recent pic there. F*ck.

Funnily enough though i thought to myself... well if you're going to get pissy at people for thinking you're fat why the f*ck don't you do something about it instead of sabotaging it again by not working out and going home and bingeing? So i went to work out. F*ck them all.