OMFG.........

do i have time to go back on the pill SM?????????

I'm so f*ckin healthy and together these days i thought f*ck it what do i need to be on these for. I can count on one hand how many people i've slept with in the last couple months. Now that is f*cking progress man.

Well...

made the phone call to the guy yesterday. Gonna go get my stuff sometime in the next few days. I guess the one nice thing is he's totally ? non confrontational so he's back to treating me like a good buddy which is fine. Not that he has been treating me like anything else since he broke his leg. Anyway, makes the whole thing easier and i don't have to worry about running into him in meetings and feeling weird about the whole thing.

It sure did feel good for a second. Oh well. It lets me know that there are other men out there that have the self control to lay in bed with a woman and not have to f*ck her. I'm so stuck on that cause of my psycho ex. It's probably not a good thing. Anyone with that much control is probly a major control freak. On the otherhand i never want to be in a relationship again where i get emotionally abused cause i prefer not to have sex one nite.

I suppose if i really think about it i have met at least one other guy before psycho exbf that could do that but i wasn't in love with him so it's easy to forget. He was subbie too. Come to think of it i suspect so was exbf. I could be looking for a subbie control freak not a controlling Dom... ha!!

Saw the 18yr old recently. I think he's 19 now. Figured wtf i guess. Can't say it totally turns my crank. He's too passive and young. Well i shouldn't say too young. I've ran into some pretty Dom young guys that were alotta fun.

He talked me into f*cking him in the ass. That doesn't really do anything for me either but it was kinda like.."if i f*ck you in the ass will you f*ck me in the ass?" Kind of a win/win situation for him eh? lol. Oh well, it worked.

I'm not much into the strap on thing. Kinda hard on your back when you're a girl and not used to f*cking someone like that. So i just f*cked him with it and sucked him at the same time. He slept over. I was surprised. I'm always thinking he's gonna get into trouble from his parents.. lol. He wouldn't have got his ass f*cked in the morning if he hadn't though so i guess he was happy. I don't like it anymore when f*ck buddies sleep over but i've known him awhile so i don't get all paranoid he's gonna tie me up and kill me while i'm sleeping. :P I sleep like a rock.

You know where to find me SM.

Huggs BigM.

Well the guy i was seeing for about two days turned out to be... hell i dunno what he turned out to be. I have no idea what just happened. People in the program have since told me he's an asshole and still really self centered. Seems to match.

I can't deal with that inconsistent bullsh*t. The guy phones me ten times a day... tells me how much he likes me then disappears for a day... sometimes two. That turns me into an obsessive f*cking lunatic. I can't deal with it. It's too much like psycho exbf... he can contact me whenever he wants and i talk to him but when i contact him he won't have anything to do with me. That's bullsh*t and this new guy was way too much like the ex only at least i understand to a point what's going on with the ex.

He's not an idiot. He knows i'm an addict. He has got to know how that sorta behavior f*cks us up. F*ck he's got over ten years himself. He wanted some little f*cking girl who would jump when he said jump and leave him the f*ck alone the rest of the time while all the time professing to want a relationship and blah blah blah. Man some people just f*ck with my head beyond belief.

You want to f*ck i can do that. You want to try and date i can do that. But don't f*cking tell me one thing and do another. Hell he didn't even wanna f*ck. I dunno wtf he wanted.

Okay that's it. I'm done. Now my sponsor says i just need to phone him and tell him i'm coming to get my sh*t and be done with him. I was gonna wait a couple months but she wasn't going for that at all. After i thought about it i started to agree but i haven't got around to it yet.