It's been awhile...

Nothing like a comment to get your attention and remind you you have a blog. Thanx Axalotal!!

Well...

hmmm... hard to believe it's been a month since i went out with C. Still... doing it the normal way it ended quietly and painlessly not like when two people take hostages in the first 48hrs they know each other and the ending is bloody and painful.

Heard that expression? We use it a fair bit cause the people i tend to hang with all do it. They are joined at the hip 48hrs after they first meet if not sooner cause we're all so flippin needy and lonely and f*cked up... :D

Sure is a great high though!! :D :D

Since then...

.. i try to stay out of trouble but i'm up and down and one day i live the dream and the next day i'm in the gutter again. :P

I ran into someone online.. found out too late they were married and thought oh f*ck it... they are giving me all the attention i want... they wanna buy me stuff... blah blah blah... what the hell.

So i let him pay some attention to me... met him once... he bought me a few hundred bucks worth of lingerie and a collar and leash... lol... then disappeared off the face of the earth.

We talked a few times after we met on the phone and online. Then poof..gone.

Weirdest freakin thing i ever seen.

I mean hell he had me on the bed masturbating so i don't think he disliked me... lol.

Anyway, he was married so i sent off the obligatory is anything wrong email followed up by the "could you please tell what the hell just happened email so i can put my curiosity to bed and be done please"... and that was that. Nothing.

I can't be bothered to phone him. I have both his cell numbers... but wtf is the point. Obviously something happened.

So on to the next escapade.

Exbf is back on the scene. I mean the EXBF!! From 3yrs ago. Wow what a shocker that was. He messaged me, apologized for how he'd behaved a couple months ago.. said sorry for emailing me at that time and i said ok. We got talking. I asked if he would see me again. He said yes. And there you go. Course there was more convo involved than that but that was the jist of it.

He actually phoned me back yesterday for the first time in .. ohhhhhhh... like 2yrs. Then he came over today and was like actually normal.

It's a bizarre situation. I've wanted this for a long time but i don't know if it's right. What is definately not right is he is living with a girl still. But i just can't care. I loved him more than i've loved anyone... in a romantic way that is. I have wanted him back so badly i thought i was gonna die. And now?

Well guess we'll see.

I just hope i don't get slammed too badly on this one. Ha... yea right.. good luck on that one. What have i got to look forward to? 2 - 3 yrs of secret affair. Never getting enough time and attention.. always being second. Then at best the drama and chaos of splitting up another couple... oh yea ... just what every woman could ever want... NOT.