RESEARCH UPDATE THIS MONTH'S TOPIC: PORN

Boeringer, S., Pornography and Sexual Aggression; Association of violent and nonviolent depictions with rape and rape proclivity. Deviant Behavior: 1994 vol. 15(3) 289-304.

"Data collected from a sample of 477 college men indicated strong bivariate associations of rape and rape proclivity with use of almost all forms of porn. Analyses indicated that higher exposure to porn depicting violent and rape behavior appeared to be significantly related to both engaging in sexual aggression and believing oneself capable or likely to engaging in sexual aggression.

Exposure to softcore porn was positively associated with likelihood of sexual force and nonviolent coercive behavior, but negatively associated with likelihood of rape and actual rape behavior."

...u guys suck...

...u guys really ....... at leaving comments....g*d what's a slut gotta do to get some attention around here.......

100% :D~~~

...i'm changing my name to Masters smart lil slutty grl... :D...

..got a 100% on my last exam.....woooohooooooooo....had to be very careful not to kill myself on the way home today..not good when i get into my little mustang and i'm smiling before i accelerate....Master's last words before i left this morning came to mind..."be careful"..

.....and my daughter's latest dreams of me dying in a car crash also come to mind when i hear a good tune and i'm feeling good and i double my speed..my mom used to have somewhat prophetic dreams so i guess i'd better be careful...

..perfect day though....warm, sunny, top down ( the car not mine ), 100%....perfect day for speeding on the highway.... :D ...like i need ANOTHER ticket...but it feels soooooo good...ya know that little adrenaline rush feeling you get in your stomach as you accelerate and you know you're going way too fast....guys with bikes know what i'm talking about..g*d i love that feeling....very addicting..kinda like that feeling when you've been bad and you aren't totally sure just how bad your Master is going to punish you...

........mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm almost as good as sex...

..last time i got caught cop was so mad at me i thought he was gonna pull me outta my car......and i was so freaked i didn't even think before i started saying "omg i'm so sorry blah blah blah" ...bein the little subbie girl i am....

........he made me sit there for 15min then came back gave me a 5min lecture and let me off!!!!...i couldn't f*ckin believe it....i was lookin pretty cute that day though... :P

...scat...

...i just made a sh*t video for my Master...He'd probably prefer to see it live but He wasn't around so like a good little subbie slut i recorded it for Him..

.....not everyone's cup of tea to be sure...and not usually mine although i've been threatened with sh*t play in the past to make me behave...and it was pretty damn effective...lol...it's one of those hard limits for me that goes along with kids and animals...oh and cooking...

..there is a certain appeal though to someone being so interested in me they wanna see me sh*t...lol...that's probably not the motivation for Him asking me to do it...but that's the part that works for me... :D ...f*ck i'm sick...

....gotta say though the pee video i did a few days ago kinda turns me on... :PPP

... my c*nt...

... okay if you don't talk to me... i'm not gonna spread my legs and show you my c*nt anymore... :P...

.....lol..

..i've decided i'd rather hear abusive comments than no comments at all...i think....i could be taking that back in a few days....or hours even..

.....hmmm i wonder if i could stop spreading my legs long enough to make any of you comment...i guess we'll see how long i can hold out....not counting tonight of course.... :D

..oh and btw i moved the pics to an adult yahoo group where i won't be arrested for obscenity... ;)

.....my day got a lot better as well... :))))

..i feel like crap....

...not sure why... i had a good day yesterday..got a lot done..don't feel like doin sh~t today..

.....had a dream i got back with my old boyfriend last night...the one i was in love with and the only person i've ever been in love with..guess that could do it...been thinking too much about him lately..

..my heart tells me i still want him...my head tells me... he tried to kill you duhhhhhhhhhh...

.....the day i realised i still wanted to be with him in spite of the abuse was the first time in my life i knew there was something very wrong with me..i went into counseling shortly after that..

..always two sides to any coin though..he could be the most amazingly sweet guy..he wrote me stuff i will never get out of my head...he knew all my sh~t and totally accepted me for who i am..he pulled me outta all the bullsh~t i was involved in at the time..he was there for me 24/7 whatever i needed..he destroyed anyone who tried to hurt me..there were no half measures...you hurt him or his family and he didn't warn you..he destroyed you so you wouldn't even think of doing it again..unfortunately there came a point where he turned that on me....up until then he'd been the only person who had ever protected me..ironic that he turned into the one person i truly needed protecting from..and i still want him......

... today and tomorrow...

~~~~~~ had a good day... procrastination was minimal :D .. that's like f*cking amazing... i'm the queen of procrastination..

.....got a few stupid little things done that have been picking away at my head stressing me out... but would i do them? ... noooooooo...

..it's because my Master has been around alot.. i think...

.....i was telling my vanilla bestfriend about it tonight... weird how it works.. it's not like He told me to do this stuff.. it's just like a side effect of being around someone dominant.. or maybe all the attention... i dunno... my gf asked me if it was because i liked being able to go back and tell Him..."hey i did this and this..blah blah"... i laughed at that... she thought i was laughing cause what she said was stupid but i was laughing cause i think she came pretty close to the truth.. she has a pretty good understanding of how i work these days...

~~~~~~ tomorrow night i'm supposed to hook up with a sexy little boy i met last month.. 27yr old mech engineer.. we hit it off the moment we started talking... dunno why really.. just one of those rare occasions these days where i really enjoyed one person.. vanilla to boot... we talked alot online and for hours on the phone for a few days.. haven't had that happen for a looooong time..

... the time we spent together in real life was .. ummm .. absolutely amazing and quite unexpected.. we agreed we wouldn't have sex the first night we met... yea weird eh for someone who's slept with at least 50 people and 95% of those in the last year..

..... we were supposed to watch a movie... which we sorta did.. but we started fooling around almost right away.. we cuddled and kissed on the couch and he had his hand down my pants for the first half hour... my pants came off after that... but that was all that came off..

.. it really sounds quite boring to write about... but omg i haven't been that turned on in a couple years.... well ok there was once or twice but those were really perverted things... :D~~~ ... anyway you know where you kiss someone and it just feels so f*cking hot you could like do it all night? ... it's like something you see on tv.... omg he was so f*cking turned on it was driving me nuts.. i dunno why he was so turned on....

..... in the end we were laying on the couch kissing like we'd never had sex in our entire lives.. his cock in my hand i jerked him off till he came all over the front of my shirt.. f*ck i don't think i've seen anyone that turned on since my last longterm bf ...

.. i kept my distance after that night... he was busy and i don't like getting too hooked into someone too young to pursue anything with.. i don't like getting too hooked into anything these days... i run at the first sign someone might be able to hurt me.. as much as i want what i had a couple years ago.. i'm not willing to risk being hurt that badly again..

..... speak of the devil.. he just texted me... :P ... looks like i will be seeing him afterall...

The Sex Addict Test

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Sex Addict Test

1. Have you had sexual behaviors that you wish you could stop? Y

2. Do you feel abnormally driven by your sexual drive? Y

3. Have you been in relationships just for sex? Y

4. Has masturbation been ongoing even after marriage? Y

5. Has pornography continued for you after a long term committed sexual relationship? Y

6. Does your sexuality seem to be dragging down your personal potential? Y

7. Do you find that you spend a significant amount of time online, viewing pornography or grooming others for sexual encounters? Y

8. Have you experienced an unwanted sexual encounter during childhood or adolescence? Y

9. Has monogamous sex grown to be boring? N

To score yourself give yourself one point for each yes and read the below recommendations

1-3 points:
It does not seem that you are presently an active sexual addict. If your concern continues, I recommend that you get more information such as the book, The Final Freedom.

4-6 points:
It seems that you may be struggling in the area of sexual addiction. Your first step would be to gather further information. I recommend the book Final Freedom: Pioneering Sexual Addiction Recovery. If you want more practical techniques for your behavior, I recommend the 101 Practical Exercises workbook. If your behavior continues, consider going to a 12 Step Support group listed on our link page at www.sexaddict.com . If you feel that you need to discuss this with a counselor, call for a telephone counseling appointment at (719) 278-3708.

7-9 points:
You are probably sexually addicted. It's recommended that: 1. You gather more information like The Final Freedom and 101 Practical Exercises. 2. Go to a support group as soon as possible. 3. Seek professional help. Counseling is available at Heart to Heart Counseling Center by calling 719-278-3708.




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Evanescence - My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

music video

...why don't you have a bf?...

...been getting asked this alot lately by normies...

....."you're so cute... blah blah... why don't have you have a bf?"....

.. just got this one not more than 3 seconds ago... "an angel like u why are u not married?".... lol... g*d they just have no idea...


..well lets see... i'm about 40lbs overweight... that's a biggy for me altho my counselor tells me... "grl it's not just fat people that are attracted to fat people you know"... ok whatever...

.....umm i'm old.. i'm an addict.. i don't cook..ever.. i don't know how many people i've slept with...i'm guessing less than a hundred but more than fifty... i like men ten years younger than me... i don't work... my kid's dad supports me still cause he makes an obscene amount of money and can basically afford to... hmm lets see.. what else... i like rough sex...and being disciplined hard.... i have young children.... i have chronic medical problems... oh and last but not least i believe i'm still in love with my last boyfriend although counselor doesn't think so...

..now what normal healthy guy is gonna wanna take that on?..... :P~~~~~~~

..maybe i'll cut and paste this the next time someone asks me why i don't have a boyfriend...

... this is supposed to be fun...

...hmmm there's a lot i could say... where to start...

..... first off... what i write about is my life... it's not fiction or fantasy unless i tell you it is...that was just for the record and after this i doubt i will bother arguing the point... if you choose to believe it's bullsh*t c'est la vie... personally it wouldn't be any fun for me to write bullsh*t...

...i've always found lying online useless and boring... i mean hell if you can't be yourself online where the hell can you be yourself????

..i got online in the early 90's... i remember lying once in those first few days... lying about who i was etc... man it was boring and i've never done it since... what you see is what you get...

....i might not always be aware of my own truth... but it is the truth as i see it today...

..... i did not intend this blog to be anything but fun... a place where i could cum... i mean come.. and spill the more sordid details of my life... those things i wouldn't normally talk about to just anyone...

..is it balanced? hell no... it's not about my children or my work or my family or my dreams or my bestfriends--- those incredibly amazing people who love and support me in spite of who i am--- who never judge me... it's not about all the things i've done right and the hurdles i've jumped in the last couple years... it's about all the stuff i continue to do wrong...the one area of my life i still have problems with and which i don't want to work on or try to control right now...

..i'm not necessarily proud of what i do... i'm a sex addict... a sex and love addict actually... i can just as easily become obsessed with one person and remain completely 100% monogamous if i fall in love with someone as go have sex with 5 different people in one nite........

.... i could get into all the whys and the history and the abuse and the bullsh*t and the f*cking pain... but i'm not here to do that... i have counselors and friends and support groups that help me deal with that sh*t... and quite honestly i'm grateful for every single thing i ever experienced in my life... the good and the bad... cause most people walk around in a f*cking bubble... judging others... criticising others... trying to make others unhappy... when really they don't have the first clue about themselves let alone anyone else...

.. i'm not saying you have to be f&cked up like me to be self knowledeable/self aware etc... that is just how it worked for me... without it i'd still be in my safe little bubble... which i will admit still sometimes looks like a nice, cozy place to go hide out for awhile... however, once someone bursts your bubble you have no choice but to sink or swim... and for now i'm swimming the best way i know how... it may not be your way... but walk a few steps in my shoes and then get back to me...

just a couple of points...

...first... re: my blog and comments

... if you don't comment when you come here you will be automatically deleted and banned...

.........................lol....... ok maybe the first point isn't exactly correct... so ... umm how about i insist you comment?... no no ... ok how about i beg... yea that's it... c'mon talk to me... please please comment and i'll... umm... i'll do whatever You want me too... yea that's it... course you'll have to actually be in my bedroom to make me do whatever You want... ooh i'm getting wet just talking about it... anyway i'm not an online slave which brings me to my next point nicely...

second... and this pertains to my being on cam naked and in the rooms...

... i go in the rooms and spread my legs so everyone can see my c*nt or my t*ts because it turns me on and makes me really wet... i love hearing how hard You are and what You would like to make me do if You were here... if You can see my c*nt i don't mind being told to spread wider or spread my ass cheeks for You... i don't care much for being told to show You my t*ts if my c*nt is on cam and vice versa... i will not show my face in the rooms either...

.... i'm an exhibitionist among other things...

...as i said though... i am not an online sub/slave... i have had enough experience online and in real life to know that online does not work for me...
................the threat of discipline, actual discipline and being physically forced is a huge part of what works for me and that cannot be real online... You can argue with this point but it will not change the fact i am not an online slave and i am not looking for an online Master or Mistress... i am not being disobedient when i don't obey You online... You are not my Master...

...having said that i will have to say that i have an online Master... He is smart enough to know that He cannot expect from me what He would expect in real life were W/we together... He believes that if W/we did live closer W/we would probably be a good match... but W/we don't... so W/we are friends... and He makes suggestions to me regarding what He would like me to do for Him... such as masturbating in the rooms or posting pics etc... and He sometimes explains to me what would be expected from me were W/we together... He understands that online doesn't work for me the same way real life does... which is why i call Him Master...

..if You think You might live close to me and want to talk about something real life then let me know... :)))

.......one other thing... i cannot possibly watch your cam when i am in a room masturbating... i very likely cannot answer your pms either... it's not that i don't want to but i may as well not bother going in the rooms because i can't masturbate and cum if i'm too busy trying to shut down other people's cams, move people's requests to add me/them to a friend list and answer pm's...

.........if You pm me and talk nasty to me i'll be paying attention to You... if You want me to add You or want to talk etc can You do it after i cum please?

... well thank You for reading this.... i hope it helps explain a few things... i am not here to p*ss anyone off... i just want to have fun and i can't always talk to everyone even though i would like to... hugggs.... :)

............mmm i'm all wet again... think i'll have to go show off my c*nt and cum... :D